You are obviously a loving and forgiving person. It also seems obvious that your bf is dealing with a profound sense of shame.

I would be very concerned about his mental health… my dishonesty and the continuous effort it took to cover up my compulsive behavior and live a double life eventually led to deep depression and suicidal thoughts. He demonstrates that stress with rage directed at you. And, he still seems to be unable to be honest with himself.

Is he getting therapy? Certainly, if he’s dealing with trauma from abuse, he should be. And, as his partner, you certainly have every right to ask him to get counseling on that basis. Therapy was what led to me finally recognize my own duplicity and to my coming out, which in turn led to a quick end to my marriage.

Still… It would be such a relief for him if he could be honest with himself and with you. As I often say, “I’d rather be called an asshole than a liar.”

I am reluctant to hand out advice to anyone. But, he is very likely endangering your health as well as his own… physically and mentally. It would be tragic if it should come to either or both of you contracting some serious, even life-threatening STD or STI.

From my own more recent experience, the threat of losing my lady due to my elicit behavior made me reconsider everything. Of course, unlike your bf, I’ve always been out to her and we talk openly about my same-sex desires. These discussions cause her a great deal of anxiety. However, my honesty enables her to make decisions based on reality. And, she appreciates that.

Look out for yourself. An ultimatum might possibly do the trick. But, you’ll have to decide for yourself whether you’re willing to risk losing the relationship. I feel for you. Thank you for sharing.