While these are certainly admirable qualities that all humans should strive for, Christian or non, there is one "Jesus' type of love" your friends lack: non-judgment.

Being Unitarian and queer, I, too, have had fundamentalist friends express sincere concern for the fate of my eternal soul. I tell them that my soul is perfectly fine and immediately change the subject. If they persist in trying to meddle with my spiritual journey, it puts an unbearable strain on our friendship.

There are plenty of gay Christians who would never pass judgment on you for committing yourself to a same-sex marriage. Clinging to "friendships" that could make you feel less of yourself and lead you to question your faith is not healthy... for you, or for your marriage. Let go and make space in your life for those affirming relationships. Agree to disagree, if possible. But, you can be sure you'll never change the mind of a dogmatic evangelical. Love is love.