Thanks for your perspective. My disillusionment in this scenario hasn't been that I took personal offense or was all that wounded by the ignorant, unfunny quip. My biggest problem is the context and environment in which it was spoken, how such thoughtless words might have affected another queer or trans visitor to our UU Fellowship, and that it could have put our welcoming/affirming status in jeopardy. I'm not the least bit interested in victimhood. I'm concerned with people taking responsibility and owning up to their offense. By suggesting that he do that, I handed him the victim role. Seems kind of catawampus. And, it's a shame that it's gotten blown up into such a huge kerfuffle. Peace.