One of the most fulfilling experiences of my life was conducting the rites of passage for 12- and 13-year-old boys at the Peace Village camp in Lincoln City, OR. Inspired by the Native American Vision Quest, the goal for the "young men" (as we called them) was to stay awake all night in silence, without food or water, not harming any creature, while envisioning what kind of men they plan to become.

The ritual, designed by a member of the Siletz Nation with Darren Reilly, founder of Peace Out, always began with a discussion around the sacred campfire. We asked the "young men" to think about men they looked up to and what qualities they admired in those men. There was a strong, intentional focus on how these young men saw themselves interacting with the females in their lives... sisters, friends, mothers, etc.

We never assumed that every boy would grow up straight and have girlfriends or life partnerships with women. But, as they were just coming into that hormone-crazed, sex-obsessed period of adolescence, we found this to be an advantageous time to get them thinking about what it takes to demonstrate genuine respect for girls and women.

I think these overnight experiences were life changing for many of these boys as they embarked upon their individual journeys into adulthood. And, for me, their elder, their mentor, there is no question that sharing these overnights with them year after year absolutely changed my life for the better as well.