Having recently ushered both of my parents through their final years and their exits from mortality, (both just short of their 95th birthdays) I was left with an even firmer belief that I have no desire to suffer the indignity they endured at the end.
If I were 87 and had the choice to let go, I might just grab it. I wouldn’t however leave my loved ones wondering. Then again, that’s easy for me to say from here.
Sadly, you and your siblings are left to ponder the reasons why without much hope you’ll ever have a definitive answer. Sometimes there are things we’re simply not meant to know. Accepting that reality and forgiving Mom for putting you through this uncertainty must be nearly impossible. I wish you healing in your grief and confusion.